This page sets out exactly what happens between finding a listing that interests you and meeting someone, including where the process can stop, and why it is built the way it is.
The process, end to end
- Browse or search. Every listing and guide on this site is free to read and needs no account. Browse by category, or search for what you want. The search tips page helps if results are not what you expected.
- Decide what you are actually looking for. The age range, the area, and the kind of arrangement. People who are vague about this at the start spend weeks discovering they wanted different things.
- Tell the desk which listing interests you. Through any channel on the contact page. Say a little about yourself, age, area, what you are looking for. The desk is describing you to another adult, and has only what you provide to work with.
- The desk approaches that person. This is the part that takes time, because it depends on someone else replying.
- They agree, or they decline. If they agree, contact is passed between you. If they decline, it stops there and you will be told. This happens, and it is supposed to: the other side is a real adult with a choice.
- You talk directly. From here the conversation is yours. We are not in it, we do not monitor it, and we cannot see it.
- You meet, carefully. In public, on a day you chose, with your own way home. The safety guide covers the first meeting properly.
Why introductions go through a person
The obvious design would be a button that shows you someone’s number. We deliberately did not build it, and it is worth explaining why.
A site that hands out contact details on request is the most useful tool a scam operation can have: one afternoon of clicking produces a list of people who are actively looking, with their numbers attached. That list is what gets sold, and the approaches that follow are the ones described throughout this site.
Passing introductions through the desk means two things. Nobody’s number moves until they have agreed it should. And when something goes wrong, there is a record of who was introduced to whom and a person who can act on it.
What to expect, honestly
- It takes as long as it takes
- The desk cannot make someone reply. Most of the waiting in this process is waiting on another adult, not on us.
- You will be declined sometimes
- By people who sounded ideal. That is what it means for the other side to be a real person rather than a listing that always says yes.
- A package does not change the answer
- It covers the desk’s work. It does not oblige anyone to meet you, reply to you, or continue. Nobody can sell you another adult’s agreement.
- Listings go out of date
- People find someone, change their number, or stop looking. We withdraw listings as we learn of it, and readers telling us is a large part of how we learn.
How to be the person who gets a reply
The desk passes on what you provide, so the quality of your side matters more than most people assume.
- Be specific and be honest. Your real age, your real area, your real situation. An honest answer somebody did not want beats a pleasant one that collapses later.
- Say what you are offering as well as what you want. Requests that are entirely one-directional are declined most often.
- Keep it brief. A few lines are passed on intact. Three paragraphs are summarised, and you lose control of what survives.
- Do not press. Repeating a request does not improve the answer, and it is the first thing that makes an adult uneasy.
What we do not do
We do not run background checks, verify identity documents, photographs, income or employment, hold money between members, or supervise what happens once two people are in contact. Nobody here is “verified” and we do not use the word. The trust and safety centre sets out the limits in full, and what to do when something goes wrong.